I have a small confession to make. If I could say one thing I wouldn’t want people to describe me as that I know I am – it’s “afraid.” I have been afraid most of my life. You might be thinking, “Really? Afraid of what?” I think I have a natural (and even healthy) fear of things like snakes and mice…mountain lions…being thrown overboard on a cruise ship (note why I didn’t choose a cruise for a honeymoon or any vacation since this)…things like that. Those are natural. Those are normal (sort of).
The fear I’m talking about is more of one steeped in insecurity. One that is exasperated when I find myself comparing myself to others. When I find myself questioning my ability to do things. It leaves me afraid.
And to be honest…being afraid is an awful place to be. It can cripple you. It can keep you from doing what God wants you to do. It can keep you from living in the victory that God has already granted. It can limit the full and abundant life God has for you.
A few years ago, I attended a Priscilla Shirer event at my church. There are things that you will go to in your life that will leave you forever changed…even when you least expect it. (I think most often when you least expect it.) This has become one of those spiritual markers in my life. One of the main things I heard her say was, in fact, very simple – “You have no business going where you used to go. In our weakness, God shows us strength.” As a child of God, I have been changed. The things of my former life are no longer. I can’t wallow in fear and insecurity. And then she said something that was absolutely amazing – “Don’t let insecurity paralyze you in such a way that you don’t do what God has called you to do.”
There have been a lot of things I haven’t done because I have been afraid. I haven’t gone on certain mission trips. I haven’t spoken up for my Savior in crowds and one-on-one. I’ve questioned my ability to do different jobs. I haven’t tried new things because I think I can’t. I haven’t tried new endeavors because I think others can do it better. Insecurity – feelings of inadequacy – they have hindered me so many times.
But you know, God has given me victory over this fear. I just don’t claim it enough. God has already gone before me. He has given me gifts to use for His glory. He has given me victory.
So, the question I’m asking is simply this…
“God, what have I not done that you have called me to because of insecurity? And what can I do now that I’m claiming victory in Your name?”
So, what am I going to do? I’m going to choose to be obedient, even in the midst of fear.