I've always dreamed of writing in some capacity. As I sit here this morning, reflecting on how God has blessed me with new writing opportunities, I'm reminded of how this writing journey began. At a time when I was discouraged and disappointed, God used my circumstances for good...
Here is that blog post from August 24, 2014:
If you’ve talked to me, read my Facebook posts or even ventured into this blog in the past year or so, you’ve had an opportunity to get a small glimpse into some personal aspects of my life – mainly being a stay-at-home mom, being content with where I am, etc. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately if you want to look at it from a different angle), I have another confession to make.
I don’t always trust God. What’s worse – I often say I am trusting God, yet deep within I am trying to fix things on my own. Planning. Playing out different scenarios. Searching. Figuring out how I can make it work. At the very least, definitely not trusting the God I know has everything worked out for my own good.
I often wonder why I do this. I have a personal relationship with God. I have seen Him provide for me time and time again. Literally, time and time again. He has never disappointed me. His ways have always been better than anything I could ask or imagine. Yet, when something new comes up, my first response is not always to seek God. Lip service. I say I’m trusting Him. Yet, all the while I’m wondering what I’m going to do to make it work. I guess I have a hard time laying things at the feet of Jesus. This is something I’m working on. Daily.
For quite some time I’ve been looking for some type of part-time job. Robert and I have prayed and talked for months about different things I might be able to do. I confess I have spent hours (and I mean many hours) pouring over the internet in search of something that’s not a scam. The thought of all of these jobs online, though, was really just not appealing. In my pride, I kept thinking to myself, I have a master’s degree – why is this so hard? So I would go back to the internet and search for hours and hours.
A few weeks ago in my Bible study the following question was posed: “When are you in danger of honoring God with your lips without truly worshipping Him?” My answer hit me like a clap of thunder. My response: “When I say I am trusting Him, but I am actually relying on myself.” Here’s how my conversation with Robert went that night before dinner: “Robert, can you please tell me to stop looking for jobs on Craigslist and spending hours on the internet searching for something to do. This isn’t the right way for me to do this. Right now, just tell me to stop. I say I am trusting God, but I am really not. I’m trying to figure this out on my own. God is not going to honor that.”
My conversation with God on the way to drop Ande off at preschool the next day: “God, I’m going to need you to just place something in my lap. You’re going to have to just hand it to me. I’m going to trust You to do this in Your perfect timing.”
Trusting God. Why can’t I just do this from the beginning? He has it all under control. His plans are far greater than anything I could ask or imagine.
Awhile ago, I posted this on Facebook:
“This is a long shot, but just thought I would try! I would like to find something to do from home to make a little extra money – we’re talking like $200 a month, so nothing big. Any thoughts? I don’t want to sell anything or have to do any kind of parties. Just something I can do from my home. And I don’t want to be a telemarketer either.”
While I appreciated the responses I got, they really didn’t open any new doors that I hadn’t already explored.
Last week, I met with a friend who had seen my post. And, what an answer to prayer – she had a job opportunity just for me! So, in March, I will officially begin blogging for ministryservingministry.com. This is a blog designed for Christian retreat/event planners. At Glorieta I was heavily involved with event planning, so this is a great fit! I will be doing some research for other social media outlets for them, as well. I have a 3 month contract in place now that may be extended depending on how it all works out.
Trusting God. You’d think by now I’d get it.
This past week I was able to share this with my Bible study group. In the lecture our speaker had said, “God’s timing produces far greater blessings than if He immediately answered our prayer requests.” How true. Trusting God requires waiting. Waiting requires patience. Patience requires discipline. Discipline requires prayer. Prayer requires faith. Faith is trusting God.
My prayer tonight: “Lord, teach me to trust You. When I try to do things on my own, they are certain to fail. Your ways are so much higher than my own. Lord, teach me to trust You.”
Three years later...and I'm still writing for that same blog, plus so much more! To God be the glory!